The 10 Most Obnoxious John Mayer Quotes!

Published on April 14, 2014. Updated April 4, 2017

Back in 2010, John Mayer came under fire for making a number of controversial comments. Although he disappeared for a while and came back a more humble man, it’s hard to forget some of the things he said. Here are 10 of John Mayer’s most obnoxious quotes!

10.

On his ex-girlfriend, Jessica Simpson: “And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them,” he said, adding, “Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me.”

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9.

On the number of women he’s been with: “I’m going to say four or five. No more,” he told Playboy. “But even if I said 12, that’s a reasonable number. So is 15. Here’s the thing: I get less a** now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don’t like jumping through hoops.”

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8.

On his fans: “I have male fans, but I’m persuading them to become female.”

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7.

On women: “Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you’re really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I’ve got a few missing. It’s ok though, because I’ve got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem?”

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6.

“Sometimes I get so bold and I’m so confident about what I’m doing that I actually try to be more of a dork because it’s a really liberating feeling to experience what it’s like to not care.”

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5.

He claims that he doesn’t go after many women because of the scrutiny on his love life: “I should be having sex with more girls. It’s crazy to me that in my head, that being 32 and dating women is going to get me in trouble. I can’t even explain to you how terrible that feels, that I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution. It’s a nightmare.”

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4.

On his feud with Perez Hilton: “I remember seeing Perez Hilton flitting about this club and acting as though he had just invented homosexuality,” he said. “All of a sudden I thought, I can out-gay this guy right now. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I have ever put on anybody – almost as if I hated f*gs.”

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3.

On wooing women: “I want to show her I’m not like every other guy. Because I hate other men. When I’m f**king you, I’m trying to f**k every man who’s ever f**ked you, but in his ass, so you’ll say ‘No one’s ever done that to me in bed.’”

Gustavo Miguel Fernandes / Shutterstock.com

2.

“I come on very strong. I am a very… I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.”

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1.

On his aspirations: “When I watch porn, if it’s not hot enough, I’ll make up backstories in my mind. My biggest dream is to write pornography.”

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