CMA 2014 Monologue: The Best Jokes From Carrie And Brad

Published on November 6, 2014.

(Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Nothing was off limits at the CMA Awards this year!

In their monologue and other bits throughout the night, co-hosts and Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley joked about everything – including Ebola, President Obama, Renee Zellweger, George Strait’s retirement and Taylor Swift’s departure from country music.

They started things off by singing about the “dearly departed” George Strait — but then the camera found him in the audience, clearly still alive. He may be retired, but he’s not dead!

Brad and Carrie also sang a goofy parody song about the nurse quarantined for Ebola, set to the tune of Dolly Parton’s “Jolene.” Carrie sang, “Quarantine, quarantine, quarantine, quarantine… Don’t ride your bike, please don’t infect my man. Quarantine, quarantine, quarantine, quarantine…what part of staying inside don’t you understand?”

Carrie also said that country music lovers are suffering from Post-Partum Taylor Swift Disorder, or PPTSD, because Taylor has abandoned them to pursue pop music instead. Brad said a la Kanye West that Barack Obama simply doesn’t care about the disorder, prompting Carrie to add, “I’m pretty sure that’s why the Democrats lost the Senate.”

But it’s clear that Carrie and Brad still love Taylor. They hope she’ll come back to country one day, and said that they’ll just have to “shake it off” in the meantime.

Even Renee Zellweger’s recent facelift wasn’t off limits. The hosts said they wouldn’t make fun of her, but then Brad joked, “She could be here. How would we know? She’s a master of disguise.”